Hey again. I’m probably guessing you know who this is. In the scenario whereby you don’t, I’m the anonymous guy who wrote you last week.
As I was saying last week, you are my crush. I’ve spent countless hours daydreaming about you. Not about us; holding hands, running through a daisy field on a golden morning. It was just you and your laugh, nothing too spectacular to everyone else.
And, at the same time, it was spectacular. In a way, you’ve given me more hours of undiluted dreaming than anyone else. Dreams without jealousy, fear of being cheated on and other social issues. Pure dreams and nothing else. but it was too good to last.
Which is funny, because it never actually began, it just happened. Also because technically nothing between us is changing. But there’s something about this not-relationship that drives me away when that someone else enters your life. Maybe I am jealous after all, but I don’t have the right to call you mine. you’re not mine, you’re my crush.
I’m not saying I’ll hate you, I’m not saying I won’t like, help or care about you, because I’ve already done it without excuses and stopping right now would be hypocritical.
I’m not saying I’ll hide from you or your friends, I’m not leaving, I’m not ignoring. If ever comes a day, God forbid, that you have a problem and you need my help, I’ll be there doing my best. If you ever need advice or someone to listen to whatever you have to say, you can call me and we’ll talk just like we’ve always done.No fake feelings, no weak advice of you breaking up with him so you can be with me. 100% true advice at the best of my honest yet inexperienced wisdom.
But this no-relationship must end. This is a one way street and unfortunately, you don’t have any say in it. It’s not because of lack of trust or because I don’t like you anymore. Simply put, a crush like you is like a reverse illness: it makes me feel better, yet, it’s a foreign agent which, sooner or later, will get out or kill me. If, by some weird twist of fate (if such a thing exists) we end up loving each other with a roaring passion, we will marry, but nothing short of it will do. In any case, that’s highly unlikely and easy to solve if it ever happens, so I won’t worry about it.
But you, my darling, are on a very different life now than when we first met and I just can’t stand it. I’ve been in enough crush no-relationships to know better: I will start suffering.
Have you ever heard the phrase “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”? Here’s what happens. at this point the pain comes in and I feel bad for not being the only one that makes you laugh like that. It’s okay. I’m socially awkward, a bit childish and you’re my crush. But if I don’t stop now, the suffering will start and that’s the destructive phase. Those inevitable moments when I question my role as the “the good guy friend”. I should stop now, when only the good questions and memories are around. This no-relationship ends here and now, but only for my own good, not because of a lack of interest. Goodbye my dear. I’m not leaving, you were just never mine.
Your crush,
John
Logophilicity 