The BR

“Adanna come downstairs. You have visitors.”

“Mom I said I’m coming. I’ll be there in a minute”

This woman was not going to get off her case today. One would figure that after saying “I’m coming” multiple times, a typical person would get the message. Apparently, African parents did not fit that typical description. Moreover, she hated it when people called her full name. It wasn’t even a name, just a first daughter title. She’d always imagined a funny scenario in her village hall where numerous heads turned after the name “Ada” was mentioned. 

As she’d grown, she’d asked to be called Skye, the name her grandfather had bestowed upon her. She loved the name, the feeling of lightness it’d given her, just like a cloud. However, her parents would have none of it, especially her Father. She remembered when she’d mustered up the courage to ask her father officially. She’d maintained her A grades in preparation for this day and had hoped it would be a suitable bargaining chip. It turned out she was wrong about the way bargains worked. Once again, African parents did not follow the norm of society.

“Adanna, I don’t know whether it’s this American air affecting your brain or it’s the food. Ada is your title and you will answer it when called. Do you think it’s a decoration on your birth certificate?! A tuoro omara, o mara, a tuoro ofeke, o fenye ishi n’ohia”

And that was the end of that.

Ada wiped the sweat off her face and got back to screwing the last nut in place. She grinned in satisfaction as the nut tightened itself against the washer and held tight.

It was finally done.

Her mind jumped around, somersaulting a couple of times in excitement. Not that she could do all this in reality; she could barely run 20 metres without running out of breath. Nevertheless, she was happy. Happy that her efforts had paid off. The numerous books read and theories she’d implemented had led to this point. She’d been at it all day and sleep had evaded her last night. Not that she didn’t have the opportunity to sleep; or her snuggery wasn’t cozy enough. 

She’d always thought of changing her pink feather pillows to blue or black. Her mother had spoken against it, insisting that she retained the pink pillows. It was her mother’s way of reminding herself that her daughter was actually a woman. She’d said this on all the occasions she’d stepped into Skye’s room and met tools strewn over the carpet; which was more or less everyday

She took the device in her hand, looking it over carefully for any unscrewed spaces. Everything looked to be in place and operational. Skye smirked at the thought of the real one she’d create. If this prototype went according to plan, she’d be on her way to breaking the boundaries of science and technology. She took a deep breath and pressed the power button. 

This was going to be a defining moment for her. She waited for the light to come on and assure her that her brilliance was astound and her sleepless nights weren’t wasted. Anxiety began to kick in when the screen didn’t flicker to life. Her mind began to roam and generate worrisome questions which weren’t helping.

She knew it couldn’t be the batteries. They were rechargeable and she’d kept them at a forty percent charge due to their lithium chemistry. They weren’t due to run out for another three hours according to her calculations. Unless that rat Kyle had deceived her somehow, considering he was the one who’d gotten all the components.

Kyle was the only one in class who she felt had the ability to blind her to many things. He wasn’t tech smart or book smart. However, he had a cunning personality and always seemed to have some mischief up his sleeve. Mixing that up with his street smarts was a very dangerous combination which always left her wary. Although it was the street smarts which had gotten all the materials required, she remained leery about his personality. She couldn’t forget the babble he’d always utter while they were at the lab checking the materials.

“We could sell this for thousands of dollars Skye! Just think about it. If we could talk to the governor about it, maybe they would pay to have it used stateside. Forget I said thousands. We’re talking about millions of dollars paid by the government!”

“Kyle get your head out of your money cloud. We both know the government would not pay any individual millions for anything. No matter how much they liked or needed it.”

Kyle had scoffed at her and told her she was too naive for the world.

Maybe she was.

She pressed the power button again and was about to flick the screen with her finger until a white light came into sight. She breathed a sigh of relief as the OS kicked in and the start-up process began. Her anxiety eased up and was replaced with building anticipation as the bar teased her, loading across the screen.

“Welcome Skye”

It was actually happening. She had created the BR.

She knew it was somewhat corny, calling it the Body Reader. Eventually she’d think of a cool name for it when she got to writing articles about it in the National Science Magazine. For now, no one else knew it was functional so she could call it whatever she wanted. 

She smiled as she revelled in the device’s brilliance, her brilliance anyway. After watching Dexter forever as a kid, she’d determined to be him and more. Luckily, her father had seen this passion and fostered it. Well not that he really did it for her, he just liked showing off her grades to his friends.
The screen asked to begin an authentication setup for the administrator and flickered black. A prompt appeared, asking for an index finger to be placed at the bottom right of the screen. She happily placed her finger on the screen, ensuring her finger stayed at the bottom right. The scan commenced and she rose the device to eye level to get ready for the next step.

“Retina scan authentication setup required”

She did several blinks and opened her left eye to the biggest size she could make it. The device scanned her eye and the loading bar came across the screen once more. At this point, she was too ecstatic to be impatient with the device. She needed to make sure without her, the device would not be able to function. She couldn’t afford Ebuka entering her room and somehow accessing the device.

The bar on the BR disappeared and the screen switched to a black background, a single white beeping in the middle.

It was finally complete.

The BR was complete.

Her professor had told her it wasn’t possible to design a device that analysed someone’s body readings to predict possible future occurrences. She had taken it upon herself to prove her professor wrong and she had. Unfortunately, she just had it at a small 50-meter range presently. Furthermore, she still had to tweak it further to get that future event part settled and set a bigger radius. It would require more days of no sleep but she was very ready for it.

If she was able to get the future event part working, she’d finally be able to avoid the drug runners in that alley she had to pass every morning to school. Whenever they saw her passing through the alley, they would utter very rude and sexual innuendos at her. She had her own memories of the alley itself and the thought of passing through always left her with a cold shudder. Nonetheless, it was the only way she could get to school on time.

She had always wondered why people like that didn’t get a job or at least make an attempt. What motivation did one have to wake up every morning with the aim of looking to deal cocaine and possibly have shootouts with other gangs? She remembered meeting a student who was a drug runner at her school last term. He’d told her that he did it because he’d never made more money in his life. Of course he’d been living lavishly with a new BMW and hosting parties every other week. That was till he didn’t come back to school for this term. Rumours had been generated that he’d been arrested and was in custody for a case against the drug lord of their community; “Hijo de Satanás” as the news referred to everyday. She’d never understand the hood status they were trying to maintain.

“Adanna! Didn’t I ask you to come downstairs??”

“I’m coming mum.”

“Nothing more Adanna. Be down here now.”

She sighed in relief as her mother’s footsteps faded down the stairs. She pocketed the BR with her right and headed down the stairs. She began to wonder why she would have guests at this time of the school year. She didn’t have aby friends and even the ones she could call acquaintances were all in France for a leadership programme. Come to think of it, why was it more than one? Only Kyle knew where she lived and that was because she told him for the future. She had anticipated more inventions so she’d prepped his mind for home deliveries. 

As she reached the bottom of the stairs and turned towards the parlour, her pocket began to beep loudly. Was it her phone? She remembered her phone was presently in her bag upstairs.

Which means it was the BR.

She brought out the device cautiously and took a look at the screen. She saw four slots recorded and receiving regular updates. That more or less meant her parents were in the parlour with whoever they were, which means they were boys. Typical of her parents to be concerned as always. Once it came to boys, they handled the issue with the subtlety of a charging rhino.

She entered into the parlour and set eyes on her parents. They both sat on the black leather couch facing her while the guests had their backs to her on the armchairs. Her father was in his usual cross armed pose with his lips pursed. Her mom had her legs balanced on the couch, her derriere angled towards her dad. Skye walked further into the parlour and was about to take the seat at the window when the BR beeped loudly again. She would have to give it a silent mode so people don’t bother her. 

She took a look at the recordings on the BR again. It had picked up their breathing patterns and was recording it against their respective slots. It was working. It was really working. She looked at the guests and set eyes on Kyle first. He had his usual smirk on and his feet were tapping their pacey rhythm as always. She noticed they were tapping a bit faster than usual and his eyes had lost their gleam. They seemed to be darting around all over the place in the subtlest way possible. She looked at the other guest and saw it was the drug runner she’d met at school last term. He had a very jittery demeanour about him, like he wanted to be out of here.

What was he doing here in the first place?

“Adanna, who are these people in my house? Nneka why did you even let these boys into this house? Do I know them?”

Her mother turned towards her father and adjusted her position to face him. “Chika, these people said they came to see ADANNA.” As she said the name, her mother turned and cast a fiery glare in her direction.

Obviously they had called her Skye at the door.

“You know she doesn’t have anyone coming over to visit her. Nna let her have the moment please.”

Skye took the BR out of her pocket and rose it to scan everyone in the room.

“Ada what is that??” her father exclaimed.

The BR scanned her father first and updated the data on him, picking up his crossed arms and fresh expression of surprise. She turned it towards her mum and it picked up on her mouth left agape and her vulnerable stance.

“Daddy and Mummy don’t worry. It’s just a little invention of mine.”

Her father got up from his chair and motioned for her mother to follow. He heaved a sigh of annoyance and stormed out the room. It seemed all this was too much to take in one day for him. Her mother’s eyes followed her father leaving the room, before turning towards Skye and mouthing “You should know better.” She in turn left the room and headed upstairs.

She did know better, but the excitement of the BR was all that mattered now. She would apologise to daddy later.

“I told you it would be working!!”

Kyle’s voice registered and she turned the BR in his direction. The BR’s picked up on his heightened voice and newfound gleam in his eyes. She couldn’t believe it. It was working perfectly. She had planned this test for a week but fate had brought four people within her reach. She turned it towards the drug runner and it picked up on his jittery demeanour. The BR was raking in lots of postures relative with anxiety and fear. She wondered what could be going through his mind. As she remembered something important, she turned towards Kyle and let her anger loose at him.

“What are you doing telling everyone about this?!”

Kyle smiled and stretched out his arms as he stood up from the armchair.

“I told you this thing could make money for us.”

“What do you mean by us? Did you invent it??!” Skye asked, her anger rising by the second.

“I got you the resources Skye. I have a part in this.”

“I paid you for those resources Kyle. Our business is over.”

Kyle’s smile grew wider and she could see the mischief begin to pull into a grin.

“Well you know some of those materials I got you? You never asked how I got them and I’m here to tell you.”

Kyle walked into the center of the room and faced Skye squarely.

“Some of those materials couldn’t be sourced legally so I had to access some of my illegal connections aka the Satanás cartel. I kinda struck a deal with them that you’d make them a couple of the devices for them to use.”

Skye stared in dismay as the words began to sink into her brain. The BR continued to beep as it recorded data but she was oblivious to the beep now.

Some of the BR’s components had been funded by the cartel.

She had been working for the cartel.

She sank down into the armchair in shock, trying her best to imagine it was a dream. This had to be a very twisted dream that she was in. Any moment now, her mom should be dabbing her face with water to wake her up for history class and undergo her morning routine of complaining about her cluttered room. As much as she so desperately wanted it to be a dream, she knew it wasn’t. Her brain kept reassuring her that she was very much alive. There was no point in pinching herself or slapping herself as they did in movies.

“Yo Skye you okay?”

She looked up and saw Kyle staring at her intently, his concern rising. He stretched a hand to help her up and she slapped it away. She couldn’t believe Kyle. She knew he was mischievous and she had been wary. She just never expected him to operate at this level.

Kyle walked over to where she was seated, leaned over her and placed his hand on the head of the armchair. 

“We’re going to make millions Skye. They just want to see how it works. I spoke to one of their generals and he told me that Hijo de Satanás said he’d personally pay for each device we made for them. They may be drug dealers but they’re pretty loyal.”

Skye couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth right now. How had she gotten into this? She just wanted to be a genius developing science breakers, not working for some cartel who’d use her brilliance to further their criminal lifestyles. She knew what they could do with it.

They’d know when people are undercover and wearing wires. 

They’d know how to plan their cocaine routes.

As she imagined each use, she could only envision stacks of cocaine and loads of bloodshed. She couldn’t be a part of this. She had to find a way to remove herself from the equation.

She pushed Kyle back and sat up straight in the armchair. She hoped by staring him in the eye, he would know what she was going to say was serious.

“We can’t do this Kyle. I didn’t ask for this. You told me you would get these things legally and you assured me you would. I didn’t ask for this. Why the hell would I be working for the bloody cartel??!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO?? THE BLOODSHED THEY CAUSE??!!

Kyle seemed to be squirming and rose his finger to say something.


Skye sighed and sat back in the chair, her energy exhausted. She didn’t know what to do now. What would her dad and mom think? Her dad liked her passion for science but disliked the idea of her inventions. He said they were trouble and she had to stop. Her mother on the other hand was against almost everything in her generation, ranging from the musicians to the fingerprint scans at the airport. She had concluded that anything innovative she’d been interested in creating had to be in the devil’s playbook of furthering chaotic rein through the young generation. As a result, she’d also been against the idea of Skye’s inventions. What would they think of her now?

Kyle trudged forward and leaned forward again which stretched her last bit of patience thin. Didn’t this idiot understand that she was already frustrated at his deviousness? She knew she was going to slap him today. She could feel it from the pit of her stomach. As Kyle continued to lean forward, she strengthened her arm and let it fly. As her hand flew towards his face, she noticed he wasn’t stopping his fall. He was going to fall on her! What was he doing?!

Her hand connected with his face and his head twisted to an awkward angle, remaining that way. She saw the lifelessness in his eyes and her eyes opened wide in shock. Her mouth opened up to scream and was immediately covered by a rough hand. She looked up and saw the drug runner standing over her. She’s forgotten he’d been in the room with them. Her frustration had hidden him from her sight. She looked down at his other hand and noticed he was holding a pistol with a silencer screwed over the muzzle.

Kyle was dead.

He was bleeding on her.

This man was going to kill her for the BR.

He signalled for her to be quiet and motioned for her to get up. She slowly obeyed and let the BR drop from her lap unto the chair. The drug runner pointed to the BR with the gun, his hand tightening on her mouth. She picked up the BR and held it in her hands, the device threatening to fall through her now sweaty palms. He stepped behind her, placing the muzzle in the middle of her back. 

She began to feel light-headed as the reality of death began to kick in. She had only seen guns on TV and read about them in magazines. She’d never seen one in reality and never imagined she’d be in this situation. 

The drug runner shoved the gun in her back and used his left index finger to point towards the door. She mustered the courage and tried a step towards the door. Her legs seemed not to be working with her and threatened not to move. She could feel his anxious breathing on her shoulder. He was scared too just like her. Which meant he was wild and irrational at this point. If she decided to shout, her parents may come rushing down and he may kill them too. She wouldn’t be able to live with that for the rest of her life if it did happen. She had to play along and make him feel in control. 

As he pushed the muzzle into her back for the second time, she forced her foot and took a step towards the door. As she took her next couple of steps, him walking in-step behind, only one thought passed through her mind.

“Ebuka please take care of Daddy and Mummy”

I’m a wreck – @BadManSophss

I’m a wreck, a nervous, paranoid wreck.
People say no one can be broken, only bent. Lol

I am broken. As much as I tell myself otherwise, as much as I like to believe I’m not and what I’m in right now is only a phase.

As I lay awake at night. Thinking about what I should’ve done better, what should’ve been. I realize I’m not bent but broken.

I’m a wreck, a nervous, paranoid wreck. People scare me. Relationships scare me. Getting too close to people scare me.

I always think everyone is out to get me, to break what’s left of my fragile, delicate heart.

I’ve given everything I have to give. I’ve poured every good thing in me out to undeserving people. What is left to give? Nothing but bitterness and depression.

This isn’t me. I ask myself everyday. “Is this what I’ve become?”

I’ve let the bitterness in the world slowly creep into me. I hate the way I am. But I can’t help that I’m a nervous wreck.

I want to be my cheerful self again. I want to be my happy self. But I can’t. I have to let go of all that and embrace the monster I have become.

Sometimes I think I’ll probably die alone. Other times I think I’ll meet somebody, who will love me for what I am. But who can love a monster? Who can love a person that has no love to give? Who can love a hateful, spiteful, scared little girl.

I’m a wreck, a paranoid wreck. I think this is what I deserve for giving my kind heart, body and soul to someone undeserving

I’m a wreck.

Birthday Post: Still here

My cup of coffee is getting cold beside me as I write this. Initially, my throat wanted some tea to help me assimilate into the general concept of  starting the day.Coffee was only going to keep me more awake and my body has never felt more alive. Thing is, life has a funny way of defeating our assumptions. Best I stay awake than sleep off unexpectedly at the appointments I have today; prevention is better than cure I guess.

I have a screening test today for a very crummy job, which if I do say so myself, is not worth my time or expenditure of my remaining pand. I sometimes wish we had trial versions of this adulting thing so we could decide whether or not we want to ‘adult’. Better yet, if we could get paid for sleeping. That I’d eagerly do without questions. Nevertheless, bread must remain on the table and school fees have to be paid. So in the words of Jimmy Webb and in an apology to my beloved bed, “up, up and away we go”.

As the post title suggests, yes it is my birthday. I’m not going to lie and act like I did this unconsciously. I…..*coughs slightly*

(Sorry. I have a little cough as you can see.)

I, Enyinnaya Kuro Onwuteaka, The Indomitable Tiger, The Shadow Cheetah, put that there. (Forgive the name calling, I’m in a phase, don’t spoil it for me…thanks).

In recent times, I haven’t been feeling all powerful. Over time, my self perception has exponentially diminished from an outrageous tiger to a shy meerkat. 2016 hasn’t been so great for me since the year began. ISIS have been running rampant, Boko Haram have gone unpunished, Nigeria is failing, America is about to potentially become worse than the doomsday it already is, the UK economy is flailing desperate arms in recent times. This year has really been a really wild coaster ride for the world if I might conclude.

What about you Enyi? What’s going on with you?

Well I’ve been under the stress of family and financial obligations, family and friend deaths, unfulfilled dreams and wishes & not to forget the complex issues of the heart. [ I know that last part might be seen as trivial but it isn’t really. People die from them things you know 😕 ]

Now, I had hoped that today, I would wait eagerly for the birthday messages to come in by 12am; the calls that would make my happiness giggle; the voice notes I’d save to listen to again in private moments. The possible twitter threads, the DMs, the idiotic messages from my close friends and the hugs I might get later in the day. The happy birthday news would brighten my day and make the year slightly more bearable. Life on the other hand had some news to break to me first.

Scrolling through my twitter timeline, I began to notice bits and pieces of news about a terrorist attack at the Turkish airport, which happened in the early hours of today. I would like to apologize to the people who called me and heard me tearing up over the phone. I find it very saddening to believe that while I celebrate an additional year, 36 people have lost theirs today due to the selfishness of human nature. My heart goes out to the families of the victims who have had loved ones taken from them in this abominable act of terrorism. I pray God provides them with the strength they need to survive this. I plead with everyone reading this post to take them into their prayers as we pray for ourselves.

This gives me an extra reason why I have to be happy that I’m still here and not the victim of some unexpected tragedy. Moving into today, I step out with a new outlook on life, a renewed source of motivation and a killer instinct for success.

I have a message to certain people in my life.

  • To the ones who have seen me weak, broken and hopeless but still found it in their heart to help me up
  • To the ones who push me when my body has given in to the pain
  • To the ones who have been a constant source of joy in all aspects of my life
  • To the ones who have provided me with advice so keen it leaves the world seeing me as intelligent
  • To the ones who have my best interests at heart
  • To the ones who’ve taught me the unadulterated meaning of love
  • To the one who I look to share this meaning of love with

I appreciate every single one of you. You are all joys in my heart and I ever love you so. The rewards of helping someone as broken as me can only result in bountiful treasures which are much more than thy minds can begin to fathom.

To the ladies in my life, I offer you digital cheek kisses as I cannot kiss all of you unfortunately, for reasons which are for me to know. You remain very beautiful women and I perceive you as nothing else. I will always be your fan and you’ll always see me in the stands cheering you on in whichever endeavor you take upon yourself.

To my guys, you’re the best. Knuckles to be chopped are in stock and waiting for everyone. I know we’re all going to grow together. In 30 years time, we’re all going to be seated around a cozy fireplace at a winter getaway, sipping hot cocoa as we laugh at the corniness of this post in the future.

To Enyinnaya, I know you’re going to do it. Your challenger awaits you in the mirror. Face him. Worrying still leaves your challenger standing. Punch him to hell till he bleeds.

Mood: Kings Never DieEminem

Sweet love x – Victoria Opkins

I really wasn’t asking for too much 

Good night hugs and kisses and sweet touch

But you don’t know the essence of love

So you think I’m asking for a Gucci watch

 It’s not that I won’t appreciate it 
It’s just that you can’t switch the irreplaceable with the tangible

My sweet love your sweet scent my sweet heart your aggressive stench
I hope you realize that love just can’t be bought
I’ve stayed I’ve prayed that you see my heart
But I guess I’m just not doing enough 

This is where I leave, how far I can stand

 I wish you love and an open sight 
My heart is heavy but I’m just not the one 

Open your eyes open your heart before you lose another that’s hard to find. 

Your sweet love,


Halo – Victoria Opkins

I (let me) dive into you
I (let me) immerse myself in you
How long did I pray for a heart to love?

I finally did I finally did I finally did! The heavens heard
I found my haven, my haven surrounded by chaos

But this chaos I would live through for this haven

I have drowned in this halo I can’t see my shadow anymore
“In her eyes you could see that she had given him her soul”

               ‘I trust you’

               ‘I love you’

What are you doing Anna? Why are you standing in UV rays again?

         ‘Just this last time’ ‘He won’t burn me’

I believe you

I love you

           I feel alive again, I am happy 

So many promises. ‘I trust you’

                                       ‘I love you’

I’m standing in your Halo.
                HE BURNT ME. 

The Saved Soul – A.S.Ogunye

Looking into my eyes through my reflection

My heart’s point of entry the window

The window to the city of my soul

Behold, a city in flames


The orange fuelling the streets with pain

Society’s infrastructures all burning down

Traces of what once was, gone in the flames

Her identity lost, nothing spared lest her name


Unable to breathe as smoke and ash replaced the air

Searching for hope in a last ditch to defy despair

I looked longingly to the sky

Alas all hope abandoned as the was sky no longer there


The blue skies replaced by darkness, fear my exhaling breath

I was ready to give in to the closing jaws of death

Eyes closed I heard the faintest warm whisper

I am Jesus, Lord and Saviour


He let me know death could be avoided

As he had already died and resurrected in love

An indescribable love from our Heavenly Father

Who had given his only begotten son.


Wisdom, justification, sanctification and redemption all in Jesus

And all I needed to do was believe

Believe in him and live

And reveal the message to everyone


With my faint breath but renewed faith I uttered

“Jesus I believe” the words soothing my soul

Then a light fell on my city bringing life

City restored, flames abated and all my desires sated


Then I realised I need not look up

At the sky for hope, strength or inspiration

But I look unto Jesus my King

The Saviour of my soul,

Who deemed me worthy to be among the living.

‘O’ bit; Sneakpeek into vowel madness

Maybe it’s time we know

Of how life’s supposed to go

How we should take in its aspect ratio
I’m looking to rhyme with this so….

I can do nothing less than move with this flow

And make us understand our status quo


It seems we never seem to know

The requirements for us to grow

Or where our seats are in the row
Not speaking of where we should sow

Or what we have to outgrow

And the avoidance of tales which are faux


Instead we move recklessly to and fro

Looking for areas to display our show

One hardly prepared for in moments of solo
All because we’re looking to be heroes

Or rather the kind that society bellows

Stringing us along with insecurity’s cellos


We forget life’s expertise in Judo

Its ability to catch us unawares by a throw

Some trade exchanges with Life for every blow

Others give up and accept the story of John Doe

Preparing for their trip into inadequacy below

To live in an equivalent of Inception’s limbo


I feel like I’m losing track on the knowledge to bestow

So instead with some idioms I’ll avoid an undertow

Before tackling life get your ducks in a row

Because each coming day would be a tougher row to hoe

So it’s always best to have many strings to your bow

Who better than to be the devil you know?

Guy Speech

In this generation of ours, it’s quite obvious we have lost basic fundamentals of  relating with the opposite sex. Due to the advent and opinion domination of social media, many have deviated from their original teachings, ideologies and personal perspectives to get in line with the general worldwide opinion. Not that I’m saying all social media opinions are wrong. I personally have gotten a lot of good advice from places like Twitter and Facebook on various aspects of life. However, most still seem to be swayed from their sensible opinions on various matters because one person said something that everyone appears to agree with. So I’ll address a couple of matters which should be highlighted. Forgive me if it seems like I’m ranting at any point or my points are disorganised.

Addressing the guys relating with females concept, I’ll just give a small scenario.

As a fellow guy myself, I know what it’s like to be mentally disturbed by the curves you see on one female. Every single body feature of her’s tenses you up just thinking about it. You’re very certain that if given permission, as one of your fantasies would probably have gone, she’d be assured of pregnancy that moment. No need to sugar coat or lie about it, most of us have been there. I used to have that kind of person in my head too.

  • Anyway, back to the issue at hand.

So just coincidentally, this ‘goddess‘ also happens to be your close friend. For the sake of this written opinion, let’s just imagine she’s your really close friend. All her problems come to your hearing and you’ve seen her at most of her stages. Weak, strong, natural, crazy, dark and the endless list of possibilities that can come with the female character.

Now here’s the twist, your guys are telling you to not let her pass you by. Pretty sure you know what I mean by this. That is, you have to be on her ‘parole‘ as the average Nigerian would say. All the questions and comments such as:

  • “How can you not be hitting that??”
  • “So you’re just letting her pass you by”

And my personal favourite…

  • “Na you put yourself inside friendzone.”

The dreaded ‘friendzone‘. I do dread it myself, but not the general concept. The concept has somehow warped from the original understanding; being seen as a friend when you want the person to be your partner / girlfriend / bae.  Now, it’s more of “not being able to screw her because she sees you as a friend.” The funny part is, sometimes the girl and the guy aren’t even that close. He just doesn’t want to be ‘a friend to talk to.’ At the same time, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. This would be due to this new perspective most guys decide to take up. That all women are expendable and not worth settling for because the guy in question is not ready to settle for anyone. The motto of this Otriad can just be simply put at “YOLO, screw all the women you can.”

So according to social media and the new guy concept, if you’re single, then you have to possess the ability to have sex with every girl you deem attractive. Sorry, ‘possess the ability‘ doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of this new advent. The true description would be ‘deserve to have sex with anyone they want.‘ Personally, I think this concept is just very stupid. Don’t get me wrong, there are so many girls I’d love to get in bed with, some of higher priority than others. However, I don’t understand when rights were handed out to the male population at large to have sex with anyone they want. Get that mentality out of your heads people.

If a girl doesn’t want you, move on. She doesn’t automatically become a “bitch” or “hoe” or “thot” because she said no. If she’s screwing everyone around you and not you, then you obviously don’t possess something she’s looking for. I just find it very disgusting when a guy feels they have the right to a woman either because they’re feeling lustful, they’ve spent money on her, or she’s very casual with her sex life. You have to realise you can’t have everything. All the girls you wish to have in your bed or place of intercourse (for all the spontaneous ones) will not be in it.

If we look at the facts of this very deeply, you’d see why. Firstly, if your imagination allows you to picture this, delve in it a bit and try to grasp the feeling. If all the girls *scratch that* let’s just put it at 10 girls. So we’re imagining 10 female friends of yours that you crave night after night coming to have sex with you at the same time. To add a little bit of spice to it, let’s imagine they’re lust filled zombies, looking for the nearest bit of man flesh to rape. You’d probably die. I don’t want to go into details but we both have a picture of what would happen. Even if you don’t give up the ghost, going to the toilet would not particularly be a favourable option for awhile if it can be avoided.

  • *Random fact / justified opinion coming up*

The core fact remains that the female body is one of, if not the most durable system on the earth. This is why you can see a woman willing to have sex with over 8 men at a go. It’s because her system can take everything and possibly even more. It just depends on her moral views and restraints.

  • *Once again, back to the issue at hand. Sorry about that.*

As much as you might want to have sex with this close friend of yours, consider what could happen. You really need to ask yourself if it’s worth it. Would you be willing to sacrifice the friendship you have with someone over other people’s perspectives and opinions? What happened to your own perspective and opinion, the one that was already in place before you started slowly heeding the opinions of others? One has to exercise self control in this situation. That moment of pleasure you might be seeking can carry disastrous consequences.

She could decide to start seeing you as more than a person and want to take it further than that blockade you set up for yourself. Or you find out that she’s crazy. Worse yet, she’s crazy and also wants you as the boyfriend. Most of the time, you probably won’t have seen this side because you were just a guy to talk to. Once you engage a female sexually, there’s a connection made between you and her. Whether you can sense it or not, that connection is there. Why bother setting up this connection if you’re not ready to maintain or deal with it?

On the other hand, she sees you as more than a friend and wishes to start something long lasting with you. You then realise that you’re not just ready to start a relationship. Or maybe you already knew you weren’t, you just hoped that she wouldn’t go that far. Hence, once she gets to know you aren’t, she’s left to be hurt. You’re not going to feel the hurt she’s feeling. Remember that. Eventually, you’ll realise that you also miss her as a friend. That connection you both had would be lost by now. So you’re going to be running at a loss on two different paths.

As a fellow guy, I just think this new concept of the friendzone should be let go. It’s not in your best interest to fall into a sex crazed mode because your friends and the general male population decided to. If you know you’re not particularly in the mood for a relationship, don’t go giving off ideas that you might be just to get in her pants. There are girls who are out there searching for one night stands. Find them. Don’t deceive someone in order to satisfy your wishes; make your wishes clear. I’m pretty certain you don’t like being deceived yourself. Furthermore, if you’re ready to cross sexual boundaries with a girl, you best prepare to deal with whatever comes out of that. You chose the decision, so follow it up and take responsibility where due.

Don’t go looking for gold because everyone’s looking for gold. If you think you’re happy with bronze and have no need of gold, do not chase it, else you end up acquiring fool’s gold. That friendship or neutral phase you might be looking to break, with a wish to satisfy a lustful wish, might not turn out to be as fruitful as you want it to be.

Family (3)

Link to part 2:


Enyi walked out the front door, his heartbeat increasing by the second. He walked round the house, half-expecting Chioma to jump out the side and yell “gotcha.” He knew this was never going to happen anyway. Firstly, he knew she was pissed off at him because of their argument earlier. Secondly, she’d long outgrown pranks ever since puberty had occurred. He realized his mind was just reaching and trying to ignore the baby girl life she was trying to live.
He began dialling her number and remembered what happened the past minute. He cut the call before it rang and checked his phone for members of her clique. Luckily, he’d bothered Chioma enough to get three of her friend’s numbers, in the case of any emergencies.
He concluded that Tofunmi was out of the option after 4 unsuccessful dials. The only people left were Sheila and Jennifer. Unfortunately, he found out that Sheila was annoyed at the mere mention of Chioma’s name. After ranting on about how she’d been vexed at her for dumping her brother, she cut the call before Enyi could speak. That left Jennifer, the stuck up man eater.
Jennifer had left Chioma to fraternize with a couple of guys, once they had arrived. Apparently, the dinner turned out to be a buffet at Le Meridien, creating the scenario of many rich or well to do kids. She’d then gone on to say Chioma was probably somewhere making out with some cute boy called Bernard, that she’d been looking at all night. He could almost feel his anger passing through the phone. Off all the bad timing moments, this girl had the worst. What was she saying?!

“Are you mad?! Someone called me with Betty’s phone and said they’ll call me back with demands! The Bernard guy, who is he??!”

Stop being paranoid guy. How do you know they’re not jok..”

“I heard her voice dammit!”


“I’m sure you’re just being paranoid. Please let me enjoy my night. She’d be back after she’s done making out with Bernard outside.”

He heard someone call out to Jennifer in the background and shout “Yo Jenny, the cute royalty train is back. Drop the phone and get over here.

Before he could speak, Jennifer had cut the call. He tried calling back and discovered she’d turned off the phone. Bitch.

He headed back into the house and went straight for the downstairs gym. There was a black saxophone box behind the large stack of unused boxes. He knelt down and put his hand on the box , hesitant to open it. Clearing his doubt, he opened the box and stared at his former life he’d abandoned 3 years ago.

Inside the box was an arsenal of weapons he’d used while working in his former life at UST. 12 kitchen knives, small enough to be used as throwing knives, 1 sawed-off shotgun with a couple of magazines left, 4 hand grenades, a black pouch and his former partners. The twin FN M1900 automatic pistols lay side by side. Their metallic black bodies reminding him of the stealth they’d possessed in his black attire. His black attire lay beside the weapons, still folded with precision. Slim fit jeans, plain long sleeve t-shirt, combat boots and a black trench coat. The bandanna he’d used to wear over his mouth lay on top everything, staring back at him. It consisted of red black and green stripes, representing a flag. A yellow crown rising over a bar shone bright with eleven rays within the black stripe. He could feel the bandanna calling out to him, begging him to wear it.

He changed into the black attire and took out the twins, placing them at the back of his jeans. He adorned the trench coat and put on his combat boots. Walking to the window, he looked at his faded reflection, the bandanna in his hand. Wearing this now would mean he wasn’t going back. That he wouldn’t back down at whatever situation he came in contact with.

The bandanna had been his mask for fighting the evil the police couldn’t combat on campus. The corruption and insanity that was supposed to be a normal aspect of Nigerian university life. Then he’d been known as ‘anwu anwu Onyeagha’, the invincible warrior. Other times he was known as the ‘Undead Biafran’. The police and cultists had been afraid of him then, due to the amount of bullets he could take without dropping. His fighting ability and speed didn’t help the matter, carving his character into a dark legend.

Enyi brought out the black pouch from the box and closed the case. He went out the door towards his BMW, the black box in his arms. He put in the boot and got in the driver’s seat. Opening the pouch, he sighed as he took out the charm that he’d gotten from a dibia back in the village. He hadn’t used it all these years due to the understanding he’d gotten of juju. Today however, all protocols would have to be broken.

He made up his mind that his first stop would be Le Meridien. He figured that apart from Jennifer, other people should know the Bernard guy. At the moment that was the only lead he had to go on. He reversed the car and zoomed out the gate past the security man in a flash. Looking at his side mirror, he could see the shock on the man’s face.

It’s alright Bala. I’m shocked at myself too.

Family (2)

Link to part 1:


Enyi headed into the kitchen to get something to drink. There should probably be a can of coke somewhere. That was if Chioma hadn’t discovered his stash at the back of the fridge yet. Opening the fridge, he saw only one can of Dubic malt left. It seemed Chioma had drunk all the coke during her nightcrawler sessions. A Dubic would just have to do for the evening. He took his can and walked to the balcony, sinking in the armchair and facing the setting sun. 

Chioma knew he was going to call her roughly every 30 minutes, if she wanted to be honest with herself anyway. Or she could forget if there was so much fun involved. He understood that very well. He wasn’t going to act like he was some stuck up grandpa whose life was wasted in the Biafran war. He had been born into the 21st century, the technology age where twitter and phones ruled almost every youth. The period where sex, drugs and alcohol were very close to not being able to exist without each other. It was supposed to be fun, for the individuals who sought life entertainment. This is why it bothered him. If something was supposed to be fun, why did it lead to the loss of so many lives, his mum being a prime example.
He shrugged off the thought and took another swig from the malt can. He shouldn’t even be feeling pity for her. Sure she was dead and all, but the things she had taken them through. If there was ever an award for worst mum in the world, she’d win it hands down.

Hopefully Chioma was having fun. He hated being the spoilsport brother who was stuck up.  He wasn’t really like that; her friends just made him feel the need to be protective. They were daredevils, a bit too wild for the Nigerian setting. She was a modest girl, well brought up by their dad. However, he was pretty sure if she kept on hanging out with them she would likely become another daredevil. If she wasn’t already one in his absence.

I’m not sure why I let her go in the first place. I know it’s a casual dinner and all but…I can’t shake it. There’s just something off about that Jennifer girl. I know she’s quite hard to deal with but I doubt it’s because of that this time. I’m sure Chioma would be fine. Heck, if anything embarrassing or bad happens she’d have to learn from it. As much as I know she’s growing and no longer my duchess, she’s still far from understanding a lot. Maybe experiencing things the hard way would make her understand I’m just out for her best interests when I seem to be the evil dictator.

He swallowed the rising lump in his throat. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, the girl was growing. He remembered when he’d been told he had a new sister while at school. He’d pleaded with the teacher to let him go home, the eagerness had been too much to handle. He remembered his best friend Tammy. also eager,  following him back home to see his new sister. They met her lying peacefully in her cot, her tiny body heaving with each breath she took. He’d put his finger in hers and she’d gripped it tightly, squeezing with everything she had. Then he had made his promise.

“I’d fight anybody for you.”

The power in the words of his 8 year old self didn’t help the rising lump in his throat. His words to her before she left kept replaying in his head.

“You’re gonna be a waste, just like mum.”

That wasn’t something to say to someone you loved, any day.

His phone rang and he saw her picture where she was hugging Francis her giant teddy. She’d kept on putting that picture till eventually he let it slide and allowed it to be there. He probably should apologise to her.  It would be the right thing to do. 

Forget your pride man. This is your only sister.

He pressed the answer key and raised the phone to his ear.

“Hey Chioma I’m really sorry about….”

“ENYI HE….!”

Her voice was cut off instantaneously. He could hear hurried mumbling in the background.


The phone switched hands and there was a moment of silence.


“You will be called in an hour to hear  our demands. Do not involve anyone.”

The line went dead.